...confessions...

It has been said that “confession is good for the soul.” Well, I need to confess. Now wait, wait, wait, before you grab your phone and start the prayer chain going, spreading the news across The upper 48 that Novia needs a soul-revival, hear me out. I’m set, my soul has been bought and paid for, she (my soul that is) has her bags packed, and her oil lamps filled (with some oil in reserve of course) and she’s waiting at the window for her bridegroom to come sweep her off her feet and take her to his castle in Canaan. So don’t you fret about my soul! I’m re2go!

Let’s just look at this exercise as upkeep for the soul. Like a trip to the dentist twice a year. Get the picture? Good, now let’s move on to my confession.

I find great joy in sprinkling acephate (Ortho Fire Ant Killer) over ant mounds and watching the ants tripping over each other fighting to get out of the mound by the thousands.

There I said it! I find GREAT pleasure in DEATH!!!!!!!!! Death to red ants that bite me. Painful, horrible, suffocating death to red microscopic beasts that make ugly hills in my newly planted St. Augustine.

Yes, I said it! I sprinkle that Ortho Red Ant Killer on the mound and if I bend over far enough, I can hear the agonized screams of those vermin “FORGET YOUR BELONGINGS, SAVE THE QUEEN, SAVE THE QUEEN FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE THE QUEEN!!!!!”

BWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA is my response to their feeble laments. Teach you to build your den of iniquity in my yard. Long live the queen? NO! I say NO!!!!! LONG LIVE ORTHO FIRE ANT KILLER! HOOORAH!