I made a commitment to myself that I would take the time to do some writing while I'm on vacation, and it's a bit of a struggle to stay true to my word. Not because I've been really busy, but because now that I'm away from routine, I don't want to do ANYTHING!
As many of you know, I packed up the car and headed north this morning. Off to see the fam. It was the first time in three years that I did the trek without Ron in-tow. It was odd not to have someone griping for nine hours about the drivers around you and how crappy they drive. Actually, the quiet was PURE BLISS! He's still in Dallas, as two-a-days started last week, and now his world revolves around football, and my world has become much more serene.
I spent time catching up with my folks and my brother and I stopped by my sisters house to see her children. I feel so old! Ayron, the oldest, has a goatee and is grown as the day is long! He will graduate from high school in May. The other four are growing faster than the national deficit. I can't believe the changes in them in the last 7 months. I saw them at Christmas, but it seems like YEARS have passed!
I stopped by my Sunday School teacher from 3rd grade's house and sat and chatted with her and her husband. It was so wonderful to see her and talk to her and see how God has really moved and blessed her world over the last 20-some-odd years. While I've kept in touch with her, I haven't been to visit her since high school. She is a tangible example of God's faithfulness to His own. It's a long story, but to remember what she didn't have when I was growing up, and to see how God has materially and immaterially blessed her over the years almost knocked me off my feet.
When my brother dropped me back at my folks' house, it was 10:30 PM and I wanted to make a beeline for the bed because I'm getting up at 5:00 AM in the morning to meet him at the gym. But my dad was still awake so I sat and talked with him. Not about anything big, just 'stuff.' It was a sweet, sweet time. I didn't want to leave him. But the clock is ticking and 5:00 AM and me NEVER got along, and I honestly don't see us being on anything more than nodding terms tomorrow morning.
But before I went to sleep, I wanted to write about the shame that I felt as I was hanging out with my folks and my sunday school teacher this evening. As I sat and listened to them talk and share what was going on in their worlds, I realized how precious each one of them are. I felt such deep shame of how much of a pain in the arse I was growing up. I was ashamed at my desire to flee as far away from this town as was fiscally possible. I felt shame for bad-mouthing my folks and for thinking I was smarter than all those involved in the 'village' that raised and molded me into who I am today. I was in such a hurry to grow up, that the marvels of the well of knowledge that village had was lost on me. Like water off a ducks butt it rolled off.
I want to stop time, make it stand still for a couple of days, a week, maybe a month or so. To delve into that knowledge, that experience. To open a dialogue, maybe even a town meeting to get reacquainted with those that I love.
But time is not mine to control. So I've got to make the best of it and do as Paul said, forget what is behind and press on toward what lies ahead. And what lies ahead of me is a week that I will not squander, where phones, computers, televisions, cars and watches will not dictate nor interfere with my schedule. A week of refamiliarizing myself with what really matters, those that love me and those that I love.
But before all that happens, I must get rest.
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